A smelly memory!

09:05

Horror movies have never succeeded in scaring the life out of me. However, since a very young age I have been prey to another horror which is the "horror of horrors" for me - Sab ke baap,bas ek aap!

Didn't do your hair today? It's all right! Happens... Let's be friends :)
Didn't tweet today? Whaaat??!!! OK but remember to do it tomorrow. Lets be friends :)
Didn't Facebook today? Splendid! Facebook's so out of fashion! Don't do it tomorrow too. Let's be friends. :)
Didn't take a bath today? Stinky Stinky eh? Eww! *Runs miles away* Not tolerable at all my friend!...err...I mean stranger!


 If there's any reason I would happily thank God for bringing me out of my schooling days, it is the fact that I have encountered the most number of smelly incidents when I was at school.

Two kinds of people truly piss me off: Giggling girls and smelly humans!

While I can to some extent tolerate girls who giggle without no rhyme or reason, I can't stand smelly people. Period.

This incident took place when I was in high school. After a tiring day spent writing a super horrible Math board paper, I took the daily public bus back home. All the seats in the bus were occupied except for two in the backside and two in the middle of the bus. I took the window seat in the seat which was in the middle of the bus and placed my school bag on the seat next to me.

When the bus halted at a local bus stop, two fat women got inside and started hunting for empty seats. Playing my "Bushra-the-good-girl" part, I placed my bag on my lap and politely invited one of the women to sit next to me even though she was about to sit in the back seat.

Seconds after I had invited that woman, she had already sat on the seat adjacent to me or in the words of an eye witness - half on the seat and half on my right lap! I winced from the pain of her weight and wanted to shout " Get your butt off me" straight to her but refrained from doing so thinking she might feel bad and instead I politely mouthed a slow " Aunty mera pair" (aunty my leg) to her. She instantly let my withering leg loose and I took a deep breath of relief only to cough out and block my nose with both my hands. Damn it!!! I had just breathed in this aunty's stinky sweat! Yucckkk!!!

On seeing me choke she placed a stinky hand on my head and said: "What happened beta? The bus is very hot na?!"

I instantly forced her hand off my head and said "I am all right aunty. Thanks!" The little voice in my head  said 'Don't know about the bus but it's sure hot and smelly next to you!'

The disgusting smell of sweat was getting on my nerves but I didn't dare to attempt and block it with the help of my hands in case this aunty placed her hand again on me. If you thought this was worst no, you are wrong! After getting up from my leg the aunty was having only a half seat now( well half in her case) When the bus took turns, she would be near to falling so she quietly placed her pumpkin sized stinky hand across me and held the window railing for support. Whaaam! There came that stinky unbearable odour gushing from her armpit towards me. God! This was hell! I cursed myself for offering this woman a seat. Well I was paying for it!

The final stop would take at least fourty more minutes to reach. How the hell was I going to tolerate this for so long?!

I have this habit of penning down my emotions or some everyday incidents on paper. Usually I write in my personal diary so I put my hand inside my bag and started groping for my diary but unfortunately, I had forgotten it at home today! With an urge of doing something and trying to clear out that unbearable stink by the movement of my hands, I tore out a paper from my classwork and started writing on it.

"Uggh! Mummmmy! HELP! This fat woman STINKS! Can't people bathe! >_< ", Was what I wrote in my usual freelance lingo.

Just when I was about to die a death "caused by stink of sweat" my area's stop arrived and I quickly got up (Thanking heavens!) collected my water bottle and started rushing past the stinking woman, the paper I wrote in still clutched in my hand.(There was no time to keep it inside)

Guess what happened next!

While I was struggling past the "oh-so-fat" woman, there was a sudden rush of wind and the paper which was poorly clutched in my left hand went flying on top and then landed straight on the woman's lap. I stared in horror as the woman attempted to Pick it up and hand it over to me and God's knows what had got into me! I screamed a simple "READ IT" to her and ran towards the door of the bus, my legs going jelly all of a sudden.

The bus roared to life as soon as I and a couple of people got out and zoomed away seconds after I caught a glimpse of that woman glaring at me.

While everybody in the bus stop were busy standing and waiting for buses or hurriedly walking away, all I did was clutch my stomach and laugh my heart out. Few people around me gave me those "Has she gone mad" looks but all I could care about at the moment was laughter!
.................
Does it end there? No! What happened the next day?

A girl came and told me that the principle was asking for me. I was suspended for a week.

Turns out, the lady who had "very unfortunately" sat beside me in the bus the other day, was my school's new principal!



This post has been written for the What's that smell boss? Contest by Racold and Indiblogger.

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7 comments

  1. Ha ha..loved ur post..I m just literally laughing after reading..hehe..nice post...

    My recent one : http://www.indianbeautyforever.com/2014/04/bourjois-liner-feutre-eyeliner-pen.html?m=1

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  2. Excellent!!!!, very well written. Engrossing read.

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  3. Hahahaha ....this was interesting and hilarious :D

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  4. It's nice to know that there were others who suffered from stinky people in school as well ;) Well written :)

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  5. [ Smiles ] There is nothing like personal hygiene!

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  6. hahaha even i get nauseatic by stinking people :D lovely post dear!

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